Dance Moms matriarch, Abby Lee Miller, is heading to prison on Wednesday for 366 days. But, just because she'll be behind bars doesn't mean she's keeping quiet about it. Ever since she was charged with hiding almost a million dollars, she has said some of the most ridiculous things about the whole ordeal.
And, is anyone surprised? Abby Lee has said some of the most ridiculous things even when she wasn't heading to jail. She was notoriously known for bashing her dancers, their moms and anything else she could target. We've decided to pick out some of our favorite Abby Lee quotes that she's spewed out in regards to her now being classified as a certified criminal.
They are literally hilarious with one legitimate fear that we all might have before going to prison. But otherwise, it's comical. She's a real character and we will miss her word vomit for a year and a day.
Abby Lee just wants to laugh before jail time, you guys.
"I have some friends coming out from Pittsburgh that have been with me through thick and thin for 20 years before the TV show, so they’re gonna come out and we’re just gonna maybe reminisce and laugh about the old times and talk about everyone we know and who might have all that money. Because it’s not me!"
Jail time means Abby Lee is focusing on one thing, and one thing only – herself. DUH.
"I’ll just have me to concentrate on and that’s different."
Abby Lee is really worried about standing on cement for a long time because, you know, that's a requirement in jail. Cement standing.
"I have bad knees and a bad back and a lot of stuff. I'm worried about standing on cement for hours at a time, but we'll see!"
Abby Lee has legit fears too, like being physically hurt.
"I’m afraid of being physically abused. I have to stay busy. If I thought about it every day, I’d just sit around and cry."
Abby Lee knows she has to stay out of drama in prison but that's like, really hard for her.
"People have said 'Okay, keep your mouth shut, stay to yourself. If there's an argument, if something's going on, just look the other way, walk away.’ That's not me!"
THE REAL QUESTION, THOUGH. Can Abby Lee wear socks to bed in prison? Cause she's freaking out about it.
"Am I able to wear socks to bed when I sleep at night? Because my feet cramp. Yup, I know that may sound silly, but that is an actual fear."
Abby Lee doesn't understand why she's going to jail if she's just a nice Catholic girl from Pittsburgh. Yes, WHY.
"I'm just a nice Catholic girl from Pittsburgh… I know that I am not a criminal mastermind."
Abby Lee's last meal will be the biscuits from Red Lobster because why the hell not?!
"If I say Red Lobster coming out of Catch, would that be bad? I think the biscuits, the cheddar biscuits."
Abby Lee is claiming she will be able to find herself in jail, maybe shower with a clean towel for once because apparently, she couldn't even do THAT in the free world!
"I’ve always put everybody else’s child first before my own health, before my own outfit, before my own time frame. Everybody else was dressed and out the door and looking perfect and I was running around trying to find a clean towel to take a shower with, so I think this will be a little 'me' time."
Abby Lee's reaction after finding out she was headed to prison has literally been said by no one after finding out they are headed to prison. No One.
"I feel relieved. I feel peaceful."
So basically, these kids are the reason Abby Lee is going to prison? Logical thoughts.
"I was so worried about the dancing and worried about these kids that aren't my own kids and making them winners that I didn't worry about my own win in business."
Abby Lee thinks she's going to get so much work done in jail because what else is there to do?
"Maybe I'm fooling myself and I won't be able to do any work."
Abby Lee loves kids and she really wants you to know that. So, think about it when she waves goodbye.
"I don’t have a problem working with any kid, I love children and have dedicated my life to making other people’s children successful!"
Abby Lee accused a certain dance mom of stealing all of her money.
Talking about the charge that Abby's accused of – hiding almost one million dollars – she asks the paparazzi, "Do you know where that money is? Because I never saw it. I think somebody has it maybe a cute little blonde, mother of two. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Read my Instagram, I've never seen that money."
So yes, she literally just accused one of the MOMS of stealing it.
Tbh, Abby Lee isn't even sure she's going to survive.
"I probably won’t survive," she simply stated to The View ’s Jedediah Bila in an interview.
Abby Lee is scared prison won't have a bra that fits her.
You're kidding me. She said, "The khaki things scare me, they don't have a pool. I don't know if they're going to have a bra that fits me."
I'm sure they have bras of all shapes and sizes, girl.
Abby doesn't even know who Maddie Ziegler is today.
Well, she knows her but she doesn't know the person she has become. She said she treated Maddie like a daughter. "That's not the kid [Maddie] I raised...I don't think she would be where she is today…I hope that she doesn't forget the good times."
Abby Lee doubts there will be a salad bar in prison.
GREAT ASSUMPTION! Before going behind bars, Abby revealed what she had been eating. She said, "I've been eating what I like, what I'm going to miss...I doubt there's a salad bar."
Abby Lee thinks this whole jail thing is surreal AF.
"It is surreal. How does a nice Catholic girl end up going to prison for a year? It's crazy."
Abby Lee Miller is actually selling 'Free Abby' shirts from behind bars and no one is surprised.
Umm, so in a strange plot twist, everyone can get – for a limited time only – orange and black t-shirts with the words 'Free Abby' written across the front. No, we are not kidding. They are 30 dollars and look like a typical jail uniform because, you know, that's where Abby lives now. Even from behind bars, she has figured out how to make money. Not only that but actually figured out how to use this jail time as something beneficial to her and literally, no one is surprised at all.
Check out the video below to see photos of the 'Free Abby' shirts.
This post was originally published on July 12, 2017 and since has been updated.