Beauty vlogger Jaclyn Hill has finally spoken out. The YouTuber posted a 37-minute video on Monday, February 3, where she opened up about how she has struggled since her lipstick scandal in June 2019. For those who missed it, Jaclyn came under fire after her lipstick line launched when fans found hairs, lumps and what appeared to be mold inside her products.
“I have made so many mistakes. That’s another thing, I feel like I can’t ever talk about things openly because people are gonna be like, ‘You’re playing the victim. You’re being a victim. Jaclyn ‘Victim’ Hill,'” the 29-year-old explained. “Even my fellow peers, like, people I look up to, like, really genuinely are questioning my integrity right now.”
The makeup mogul also admitted that after being slammed by YouTube’s beauty community, she turned to alcohol in order to cope with her worsening anxiety.
“At the end of the day, to cope with my anxiety and my depression, I turned to alcohol and started drinking to fix what I was feeling mentally,” she admitted. “I had been using alcohol to self-medicate.”
Jaclyn said that her excessive drinking was the real reason behind her 20 pound weight gain.
“On days where I would be so filled with anxiety and I would drink more than other days, I would wake up in the morning and my face would be so swollen and my eyes would be so puffy and I would just cry,” she said. “So, when people tell me, ‘You’re fat. Your face is swollen. You need to stop getting fillers.’ It triggers me in a way, like, oh my God. I wouldn’t look like this if I didn’t make such poor decisions. I wouldn’t look like this if I didn’t hurt myself by self-medicating with alcohol.”
She revealed filming YouTube videos was something she never wanted to do again in fear of backlash from her viewers.
“Filming gives me major anxiety now because I know that every single thing I do, people are, literally, going to go with a fine-toothed comb and a microscope and pick apart everything,” Jaclyn said. “I can’t tell you how many times I sit down to film and press record and just cry. Turn the camera off and leave the room.”
Before she ended the video, Jaclyn told viewers that she’s been working to overcome her alcohol issues and has be trying to adapt a healthier lifestyle. The YouTuber also urged people to stop making negative comments and bring positivity into the world.
“Any positivity that you can bring into the world is so necessary. If you have anything nice to say, say it,” she said.
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