Lana Condor is candidly discussing the difficult journey of dealing with loss and grief.
In a heartfelt message, the actress, best known for playing Lara Jean in To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, revealed that her mother, Mary Condor, has recently passed away.
“My beautiful beautiful mama. I’m laying here thinking about everything I want to say to you, how to put into words the sheer devastation of losing you and how it has carved me out and left me lost,” she wrote in an Instagram post shared on Sunday, July 28.
“I keep thinking you just went out to run a quick errand,” she added, “maybe you’re grabbing that smoked salmon dip we both love and that you’ll be right back, or that you just missed my call because you didn’t have your phone on you because you preferred to be present in the moment and look up instead of down. I keep thinking that you’ll call me right back. I keep thinking that I still have you here.”
Lana then went to say that “every good thing” that she has, is because of her, and that her mom taught her “how to love the world and others” as well as trusting her gut and showed her “what unconditional kindness and compassion is.”
She continued, “You infused our world with so much joy and warmth and color that I fear the sunrises will always now feel somewhat muted because you aren’t here to watch them with me, like we always loved to do. It’s only been a few days since I lost you, but I miss you like you’ve been gone for way longer and also like you just left. I hope you are running in the wind, and have all the answers to your everlasting curiosity. I miss you with my whole soul. I used to say ‘I love you more than you could possibly ever know,’ I hope now, wherever you are, that you know. You found me first, and I pray with everything that I am, that you’ll find me again. I love you endlessly.”
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