Beauty vlogger NikkieTutorials shared an emotional throwback photo alongside a heartfelt caption on Trans Day Of Visibility — which took place on Tuesday, March 31. As fans know, the YouTuber, whose real name is Nikkie de Jager, came out as transgender back in January. The makeup artist posted a 17-minute video, where she opened up about her gender identity.

At the time, the blonde beauty admitted that although she was certainly nervous to tell her followers, she felt liberated and free in doing so. Now, she’s looking back on the first time she reintroduced herself and left her “dead-name” in the past.

“2020 completely changed my life, and at times it got really, really dark… But looking back now, I’ve never felt so free. On the left is the day we left my dead-name in the past and I reintroduced myself to my classmates as Nikkie,” she wrote. “It was the first day I wore a girly outfit and had my hair in braids. I remember feeling so terrified but strong at the same time… I wish I could hug that girl, look her straight into her eyes and tell her, ‘You’re doing exactly what you need to be doing. Hold on queen!'”

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happy #transdayofvisibility 💙💖 2020 completely changed my life, and at times it got really, really dark… but looking back now, I’ve never felt so free. on the left is the day we left my dead-name in the past and I reintroduced myself to my classmates as Nikkie. it was the first day I wore a girly outfit and had my hair in braids. I remember feeling so terrified but strong at the same time… I wish I could hug that girl, look her straight into her eyes and tell her: “you’re doing exactly what you need to be doing. hold on queen!” 😢🥺 on the right is me yesterday.. a strong woman who sometimes still is scared of the world but knows she has the most amazing support system behind her 🥰

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She continued, “On the right is me yesterday… A strong woman who sometimes still is scared of the world but knows she has the most amazing support system behind her.”

For those who don’t know, after she came out publicly, the 26-year-old revealed, during an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, that she was actually blackmailed into speaking her truth.

“A couple of weeks ago I got emails from a certain person. He was not OK with the fact that I was ‘lying’ and wanted to expose that,” she explained at the time. “He had a very pressuring tone of voice and he was like, ‘If we don’t get an answer by tomorrow, it’s out.’ I feel like his entire goal with this was to destroy my life. But plot twist, that didn’t happen.”

After her television appearance, Nikkie told viewers that with the help of police, she now knows the identity of her blackmailer.

“In a way, they already got their punishment. They now know that I know exactly who it is and I think they’re going to have a little bit of that fear that one day maybe their name is going to leak to the press. They’re going to feel exactly the same thing that I was feeling,” she said at the time.

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