YouTube star Niki DeMartino is getting real! The 25-year-old recently took to social media and responded to the major backlash she received after having a panic attack during the most recent episode of her AwesomenessTV reality show, Niki & Gabi Take Bahamas.

For those who missed it, during the series’ latest episode — which hit YouTube on Saturday, May 24 — the cast and crew went on a high-speed boat ride. Before showing what transpired on the boat, Niki told viewers that one of her biggest fears in life was traveling by boat and not being able to see land. So, when their boat started to go faster, the internet star started crying and having a panic attack. After the video went live, Niki received some backlash from fans, who claimed she wanted to be “the center of attention” and should have “prepared better” before getting in the boat. Upon seeing the negative comments, she took to Instagram and addressed the entire situation.

“Feeling a bit discouraged today. I went into filming [Niki & Gabi] Take Bahamas with the most open mind and the intention of putting it all out there and really bringing that wall down between me and you. Every season there’s always the ones in between takes saying ‘do I look bad?’ and those are the ones evidently praised by highly censoring themselves strategically,” she explained in a lengthy post. “We all see the cameras — we just have the option to choose what we do with it, and that’s FINE, but to me, there’s no point in the censoring if no ones gaining anything from it. My goal with my videos and music is to bring me to your level, bring down the wall, connect, and have no shame in KNOWING I’m not perfect and SHOW that I have a ton of growth to achieve, mentally. I don’t sign up for a reality show to gain clout or be a Kardashian (lol) no point there. I do it to humanize, and give you a peak into my ‘perfect’ life that isn’t so perfect [because] of my brain sometimes.”

She further acknowledged the hate from her panic attack on Twitter, writing, “I wanted to put it all out there for you guys to show I go through the same s**t you do. I have nothing to hide as a human being.”

“I have an extreme fear of being in the middle of the ocean AND flying. Both are very ‘out of control’ and feel like I’m gonna die lol. That panic attack *on camera* was embarrassing & the fact that [people] think I wanna be the center of attention…I wanna hide under a rock after one,” she added.

The internet star then concluded with, “Comments be like, ‘Niki, you should’ve prepared better if she knew she was getting on a boat. Like you should’ve known you would have an anxiety attack, and you just want attention’.”

The influencer also responded to a fan and explained that she apologized after the entire boat incident, but it was “not added into the episode.”

If you or someone you know needs help, please call the National Youth Crisis Hotline at 1-800-448-4663.

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