As a person who really thought I was going to marry Stephen Colletti – the hottest guy on Laguna Beach back in 2004 – I was willing to give MTV's new show Siesta Key a shot. I mean, obviously, I knew nothing could beat Laguna Beach and Hilary Duff's epic "Come Clean" theme song playing as waves crashed on the beach while Lo Bosworth and Lauren Conrad flashed a smile and giggled in the distance. And even when Stephen dug his skimboard into the sand and the panoramic views of the town – yes, it all still gives me some weird sense of nostalgia. Can you tell I was a fan?
But, given that it was the same people behind both shows I didn't think Siesta Key would be that much of a train wreck. The trailer followed the lives of beautiful people with lots of money and lots of drama. Only this time around these beautiful people had just graduated college where the Laguna Beach cast was just entering their senior year of high school when the first season aired. I literally thought to myself about how perfect this was going to be.
I had this whole idea in my head that Siesta Key would be the more mature, less fake version of Laguna Beach. The cast wouldn't have to hide really anything because they are mostly all 21 or older, and they would have much bigger life problems and drama to deal with. I was thinking drama along the lines of like, engagement dilemmas, proposals, stupid partying decisions, job fails and maybe a love triangle thrown in there. Because who wants a reality television show about a bunch of hot people WITHOUT a love triangle? Literally, no one ever.
But, I was wrong.
Siesta Key IS the knock off Laguna Beach and I'm not afraid to say it. I'm sorry but WHERE IS KRISTIN CAVALLARI WHEN YOU NEED HER? (She has three kids now, btw.) I was 20 minutes into watching Siesta Key and would have chopped off my right arm to hear Kristen say Stephen's name in the most annoying tone ever. I needed LC's eye rolls. And I hate to say it, but I even missed Jason Wahler's drama. WHO were these new people? Besides the fact that the show seemed completely scripted, the drama was mediocre. Not only that but I seriously felt like I was watching a music video. Don't get me wrong either, I like music videos. But, the way this whole thing was shot where lots of it was in slow motion with cheesy music and way too many filters on the cast; it was Miley Cyrus' "Malibu" video 2.0.
So, what even happened in the first episode? Well, everything was centered around Alex Kompo's 22nd birthday party – supposedly the biggest party of the year in Siesta Key. If you're a Laguna Beach fan you know that the first episode of the series was centered around the Black and White party so already we're seeing parallels. Then, we're introduced to the love triangle. Alex, who is trying to juggle Juliette and Madisson. Apparently, Madisson was his high school sweetheart but we've already stalked Alex's Instagram and it LOOKS like he was dating someone else back when he would have been in high school. There's virtually no photos of him and Madisson during those years. But, we'll save that for another day.
So Alex, Madisson, and Juliette are obviously the Stephen, LC and Kristen triangle everyone became so obsessed with. (I'm still team LC, tbh.) Then we've got Chloe who is Alex's best friend. Okay, so that's an interesting dynamic since the guys and the girls were very separate in Laguna Beach. Then we've got Alex's friend Brandon who is definitely the Trey Phillips of the group – totally laid back and super cute. Then there's Garrett and Kelsey who are supposedly the perfect couple – again a different dynamic than anything on Laguna.
The biggest drama was when Juliette told Madisson she had went on a date with Alex earlier that week. But between Juliette high pitched voice and tilting her head back and semi laughing every time she spoke, I had to look away. It was worse than Kristin's voice – if anyone even ever thought that was possible. It felt like these girls knew they were on camera. Which, okay, obviously they knew they were on camera. But, it was all so unnatural. It was awkward. There were so many silences and pauses I was just waiting for someone to say something. Oh and that date that Juliette is talking about, she tilted her head back and fake laughed in almost a weird type of flirting way so many times I didn't know what to do with myself.
At the end of Laguna Beach and the spin-off series The Hills, the producers of the show made it known that a lot of what was on camera wasn't real. Siesta Key seems so forced. It sucks because this was MTV's chance to really bring back an era that everyone loved. It was a chance for a whole new generation of people to fall in love with the characters of Siesta Key just like many others fell in love with the cast of Laguna Beach.
But, it was a fail and all I really wanted was to change channels to a marathon of Laguna Beach and pretend for five seconds it was 2004 again. But, no, it's 2017 and Alex just may steal the hearts of teen girls like Stephen stole mine. Or maybe not.