During the most recent episode of her YouTube docuseries, The Secret Life of Lele Pons, internet sensation Lele Pons got real about facing online bullying and how it’s affected her mental health. The 23-year-old also revealed that constantly getting hate on social media caused her to have suicidal thoughts.

“It’s already bad enough having bad comments, but having OCD to actually make you check and just don’t move, kind of not move on from what’s going on,” she said in the show’s fourth episode. “It’s just annoying because it’s always the same comments. I’m not talented enough, I’m not funny, I’m not pretty, I’m not this, I’m not that, I’m whatever. Everything I do, I use being a Latina as a popularity or something.”

For those who missed it, during the premiere episode of the series, Lele detailed her “severe” OCD diagnosis. Now, the social media star has explained how that makes her continuously look at all the comments she receives online, even the negative ones.

“I don’t like that people hate on me for being proud of being who I am. Why is it so bad for me to love being who I am? And love being Latina?” she continued. “The only thing my parents taught me was never to forget who you are and where you come from. And people are now making that a joke, and they just don’t understand that it hurts!”

Breaking down in tears she added, “What’s happening here is that people are making hating me cool. It’s hard. It’s so hard, because I’m so tired of whatever I do, it can be 10 years go by and I do everything right, but there’s always going to be people that are just gonna be so mean to me for no reason.”

Lele also talked about her depression and said that sometimes she blacks out and wants “to end it.”

“Let me tell you something, I’ve had suicidal thoughts because I can’t take it, I can’t take the hate. The thing is, when you have so many comments, you start also believing them, and then you start questioning yourself if you are worthy even of living, you know?” she admitted, before explaining that every time she want to “do something bad” to herself, she thinks about her cousins because “we’re all we have.”

The singer concluded with, “At the end of the day, I get better and I have achieved what I want, and I’m still achieving what I want…I go through s**t, but I’m so strong and I want to be strong for [the fans].”

If you or someone you know needs help, please call the National Youth Crisis Hotline at 1-800-448-4663.

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