Trigger warning: This post talks about suicide. 

Logan Paul shocked and horrified his fans after he uploaded a video that showed a dead body in December of 2017. The YouTuber discovered the body while hiking in a forest in Japan, and it appeared that the unidentified man had died from suicide. Naturally, the 23-year-old received a lot of backlash for posting the insensitive clip and now, one year later, Logan is finally taking blame for his actions.

In a YouTube video he shared in honor of the end of 2018, Logan reflected on his journey, including the suicide forest scandal. “In less than 24 hours I became the most hated person on the planet,” he recalled. “I had made an inexcusable mistake, completely destroyed my image, lost every professional relationship that I had, became the internet’s favorite meme and, most importantly, had my eyes opened wide to the consequences of my actions.”

The YouTube star went on to explain that the criticism had a pretty drastic effect on him. “I felt every ounce of disappointment and hate directed at me, and while it was 100 percent my fault, it was critical that I felt all of it,” he continued. “I went into panic mode. Being disliked was my biggest fear in the entire world. So, in a scramble to try and reverse the past, I asked myself, ‘How do I fix this?’ When the question I should have been asking is, ‘How do I fix me?‘”

And although he admitted that he’s learned his lesson now, he explained that at the time, he definitely didn’t understand the severity of his actions. “I took a month break from the internet and attempted to bounce back with an anti-suicide PSA and a donation, but I was still moving too fast,” Logan explained. “I didn’t full understand the significance of my actions and the depth of the pain they caused and was literally becoming my own worst nightmare. As I fell more and more out of touch with reality, I couldn’t trust myself. I wouldn’t send my team the videos for review, I didn’t listen to my friends, and I refused to adapt my content. It was the highest degree of self-sabotage.”

But Logan revealed that the one thing that got him through it was his new found love for boxing. “I saw this as an opportunity to turn my disoriented emotions into fuel,” he said. “After everything that had happened since January, this was my chance to truly, truly take a step back from the Internet and focus on something else with the unrelenting passion that I knew I had. I knew I had more to offer in this world and I did not want to let my failure define me.”

We’re glad that Logan has learned his lesson.

If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, there are many resources available. Please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or text Crisis Text Line at 741-741.

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