Hit Me Hard and Soft is finally out, and did exactly what the title says. Billie Eilish dropped the masterpiece of an album on May 17, and we at J-14 have a lot of thoughts and feelings.
By “we at J-14,” we mean two girls who are self-described Billie fans, who have been listening to the album nonstop since the clock struck midnight and are ready to formally announce our ranking of each song. Keep reading for J-14‘s official ranking.
10. “SKINNY”
Hanna: 2/5
The only reason I ranked this low was because it was the one song that I didn’t find myself replaying a lot. But honestly, if the rest of the album wasn’t such a masterpiece this would easily have a higher rating — I just have to put something at the bottom.
Bella: 5/5
Unlike Miss Hanna, I as a listener have TASTE! I can’t believe I work alongside someone who would think so LOW of this masterpiece. Anyways, Billie breaks my heart yet again. Being the first track on the album, makes it easier for my brain to replay again, and again, and again. Love it!
Total score: 7/10
9. “WILDFLOWER”
Hanna: 2.5/5
The buildup of this track is so beautiful, but I can’t really get behind its message. A friend of yours cries about a boy who you then end up dating? Devon Lee Carlson, I’m so sorry.
Bella: 4.5/5
Tea. I want to give this a 5/5 but knowing it most likely is about her romance with Jesse Rutherford makes me die a little inside (we’ve all been there, though).
Total score: 7.5
8. “LUNCH”
Hanna: 4/5
I think everyone knew this would be a bop from the second we heard the teaser from those clips at Coachella. It’s definitely giving “bad guy” but make it queer — and I’m eating it up for breakfast, ~lunch~ and dinner.
Bella: 4/5
This may be my fault, but I definitely have already overheard this song thanks to TikTok, however, that doesn’t mean I don’t still love it! I know I will be overplaying this song for the next 2-3 business days and I have no regrets.
Total score: 8/10
7. “BLUE”
Hanna: 4/5
OK, four songs in one! The orchestra bit almost made me cry until I heard the “but when can I hear the next one?” which made me giggle. A perfect end to a perfect album.
Bella: 4/5
What Hanna said — literally could not say it better myself!
Total score: 8/10
6. “BITTERSUITE”
Hanna: 4.5/5
Every single time I listen to this song I have a new favorite part. The middle bit reminds me a lot of “ilomilo,” which was my fav track from her first album. I hope she (and Finneas) never stops making haunting, experimental beats!!!
Bella: 3.7/5
I’m CONFLICTED! I love the first part of this song and the ending, but the middle has me a little stumped. Overall, the vocals are, of course, on point. You can tell Finneas definitely had fun making this one.
Total score: 8.2
5. “BIRDS OF A FEATHER”
Hanna: 3.5/5
More happy Billie songs please! This track makes me feel like I’m in a montage of a rom-com, which means it will be on repeat all summer long.
Bella: 5/5
I struggle with this track, because it became my favorite one off the album maybe 5 seconds ago. Will my ranking change in the next 30 seconds (probably) but until then, I’m feeling invincible.
Total score: 8.5/10
4. “L’AMOUR DE MA VIE”
Hanna: 5/5
Obsessed is an understatement. Her strong vocals and use of autotune is something we’ve never really heard from Billie before, and I keep finding myself replaying the last two minutes of this track.
Bella: 4/5
I can attest that Hanna keeps replaying the last two minutes of this track … AND for good reason. Billie gives listeners a fun little dessert at the end! It makes me feel like I’m a Babrie doll driving around in my pink Barbie Jeep, on the way to pick up my girls.
Total score: 9/10
3. “THE DINER”
Hanna: 6/5
OK, Gorillaz influence! My favorite Billie tracks are always the ones that feel the most different from the rest of the album. This one is so weird, so eerie and so fun that I find myself cheering on a literal stalker (I don’t condone stalking).
Bella: 3.5/5
Hanna is going to come for my throat as I write this … Now, a 3.5 does not mean it’s not a bop, but this one is definitely not my favorite from the album. If it was a standalone single, maybe my opinion would change. However, I do like the storytelling in this one and my fav part is at the 1:01 minute mark!
Total score: 9.5/10
2. “THE GREATEST”
Hanna: 4.8/5
This track is the start of my three favorite songs off this album. “THE GREATEST” is so epic and I actually can’t wait for her to perform this live — I feel like it’ll be the next “Happier Than Ever.”
Bella: 5/5
This track got me mad at my man (he’s the sweetest ever)! Thank you Billie, I now want to pick a fight for no particular reason, because this song makes me feel like I’M HIM.
Total score: 9.8/10
1. “CHIHIRO”
Hanna: 5/5
A reference to my favorite Studio Ghibli film? I’m sat! I also love when a song feels like it could go on forever — it really does feel like we’re being ~spirited away~ to another dimension.
Bella: 5/5
Okay Hanna, I see you’re redeeming yourself with “Chihiro” — I’ll call off the boxing match now. This song makes me want to turn off the lights in my already dark bedroom and pretend I’m bopping around in a mystical forest.
Total score: 10/10
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