Ariana Grande has endured a lot in her 25 years so far, but nothing could’ve ever prepared her for the horrific tragedy that took place after her concert in Manchester. Twenty-two lives were taken after her show when a senseless bombing took place and since then, it’s understandable that Ari has never been the same. Now, she’s opening up about how the night of May 22, 2017, has truly impacted her.

In the fourth episode of her Dangerous Woman Diaries docuseries that is now streaming on YouTube called “One Love,” the “Breathin'” songstress opened up about how she will never fully ever to be able to process the act of violence that went on after she got off stage that night, as music has truly always been a safe space for her and many others.

“I’m writing to you this February 22, 2018. It’s been eight months since the attack at our show at the Manchester Arena. It’s impossible to know where to start or to know what to say about this part. May 22, 2017, will leave me speechless and filled with questions for the rest of my life,” Ariana wrote. “Music is an escape. Music is the safest thing I’ve ever known. Music — pop music, stan culture — is something that brings people together, introduces them to some of their best friends, and makes them feel like they can be themselves. It is comfort. It is fun. It is expression. It is happiness. It is the last thing that would ever harm someone. It is safe. When something so opposite and so poisonous takes place in your world that is supposed to be everything but that… it is shocking and heartbreaking in a way that seems impossible to fully recover from.”

She then went on to say that she is aware of how so many other people besides herself have unfortunately been impacted by what happened that night, but they are all committed to spreading love into the world.

“The spirit of the people of Manchester, the families affected by this horrendous tragedy, and my fans around the world have permanently impacted all of us for the rest of our lives. Their love, strength, and unity showed me, my team, my dancers, band, and entire crew not to be defeated. To continue during the scariest and saddest of times. To not let hate win,” Ariana wrote. “But instead, love as loudly as possible, and to appreciate every moment. The people of Manchester were able to change an event that portrayed the worst of humanity into one that portrayed the most beautiful of humanity. ‘Like a handprint on my heart’… I think of Manchester constantly and will carry this with me every day for the rest of my life.”

And that is exactly what Ari has done. Through music and just being there for her fans even when she herself is going through ups and downs, she’s forever trying to just be a light, like the people of Manchester were during the darkest time. That day will be with her forever, but it’s all about what you do after a tragedy that speaks louder than anything else.

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