We can all agree that Bella Thorne and Mod Sun‘s breakup was one of the messiest splits of all time. Between cheating accusations and nasty social media spats, things definitely didn’t end well for them. But despite all the drama, the former Shake It Up actress seems to be doing just fine. And get this — she’s even got a new man in her life. But as for the rapper, he’s not taking it quite as well.

The 32-year-old just opened up Daily Mail about how the breakup has affected him, and he even revealed that things got so rough after losing Bella that he almost killed himself. But although it’s definitely been hard for him, he said that going through this dark time has inspired him to stop abusing drugs and alcohol. And according to a recent post on social media, he’s been sober for over 30 days now.

“I don’t know if I would be here if I was still on drugs. What I was going through, post [the split] was really dark for me. That is why I did get sober because I almost killed myself,” he told the outlet. “But I wanted to transition the split into something positive. I was broken into pieces, but things are getting easier every day.”

As fans know, the couple shocked the world when they called it quits after two years of dating back in April 2019. And in the months that followed the split, things weren’t exactly pretty between the former flames. Mod Sun accused the actress of cheating on him, and he even joked about selling her stuff. But he explained that he’s never had any bad intentions.

“I am only going to try and say good things about her, but it’s the things you don’t see online that really hurt,” he continued. “There is all this really hurtful stuff going on right now, [she’s been] personally contacting me and trying to hurt me. I’m not trying to hurt anybody. She was my best friend.”

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“When I met her, I thought, ‘I will do whatever it takes to have her in my life, whether it’s a romantic relationship or just friends.’ I miss the hell out of my best friend. I miss the hell out of laying in bed all day and watching Netflix with her,” he added. “But that being said, I don’t know if I ever really knew her. I don’t know if it was toxic for her, but it was toxic for me.”

And now, Mod Sun is starting to question whether or not the 21-year-old red head ever loved him in the first place.

“I am so distraught right now. I believe so strongly that you always need to leave things better than you found it,” the “happyBB” singer explained. “I keep wondering, ‘Did I screw you up Bella?’ I don’t know if she is reacting the way she is because she still loves me or because she f–king hates my guts. That’s what’s causing me so much internal pain. My instinct tells me that she never loved me, kinda. I know I am a good catch and have a lot to give, but I don’t think her eyes were ever glued to me.”

Well, we’re really glad that the artist was able to turn this into something positive.

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s free and confidential hotline at 1-800-662-HELP.

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