We were all pretty shook when Colleen Ballinger and Joshua David Evans decided to end their marriage back in October 2016. We mean, they were seriously couple goals before that, and we’ve all wondered for years what went down between them. Well guys, prepare yourselves because the YouTuber’s ex is ready to tell his side of the story once and for all, and boy, does it sound like it’s going to be intense!

The social media star uploaded a 12-minute video to his channel on August 7, 2019, called “The Actual Truth About Everything Part 1.” He took it down hours later, but luckily, some fans were quick to save it before he did. In the video, Joshua explained that he’s finally going to tell the truth about everything that went down between him and Colleen.

“I’m making this video because I need to, I want to… to survive. I have held my tongue for years. I’ve held my tongue more than you know, and it’s killing me,” he said in the now-deleted video. “For my own sanity, I’m just gonna tell the truth. I want to tell you about my life and I want to tell you about what really happened. And it might piss off a lot of people. It might piss off my subscribers. It might piss off Colleen. It might piss off people in my family. It might piss off people that I used to be friends with.”

Colleen Joshua
Instagram

As fans know, the former couple first met back in 2009, and we were all obsessed with their relationship after they started dating in 2012. They got engaged in 2014, and married in July 2015. But ever since they split, a little over one year after they walked down the aisle, the influencer explained that things haven’t been easy for him.

“Some really crappy stuff has gone on. I have been living with so much anger, pain and confusion and I tried to be nice to people. I tried to hold my tongue. And then when I did say things it was interpreted in a really twisted way. And I’m done. I’m done and I want to tell you guys the real story, I want to tell you what really happened,” he continued. “I’ve refrained from makings videos because I didn’t want to embarrass people in my life. I didn’t want to embarrass myself but when I get comments every day telling me to kill myself and to not wake up — [people say,] ‘You’re a has-been. You’re nothing without Colleen,’ every single day — it gets to your head. If people knocked on your door and told you to kill yourself because you had a breakup — that you’re not relevant because you’re not with someone famous anymore, it’s gonna get to you. And it got to me. And I have a story to tell and I’m gonna tell that story. And there’s a lot to be told.”

Colleen Joshua
Instagram

“I’m not here to put you on blast, but I’m gonna tell the truth. Because for so long I’ve held my tongue and I have just been quiet. I don’t know why I was trying to protect people who weren’t protecting me,” the YouTube personality added. “You might think, ‘Josh lost it.’ Well, I have lost it. I’m trying to gain control of my future.”

Joshua admitted that a lot of them stopped talking to him after he and Colleen broke up, and he was pretty hurt by it.

“If you look at my life a couple years ago — I had so many YouTuber friends. But when everything hit the fan, who left? My YouTuber friends. Who stayed in my life? People who are not driven by YouTube or fame or numbers. My real friends are still here. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that I loved those people,” he explained in the video. “The moment I wasn’t popular anymore, ‘Bye!’ I am so upset and angry and hurt by so much that has happened, and I blamed myself for so many things. And I never told anybody on the internet the truth. My family knows what Colleen did, my friends know what Colleen did. My world knows.”

The vlogger revealed that he’s going to upload a bunch more videos over the next few weeks.

“I’m tired of being so sad about everything that’s happened. I’m ready at least to fight for myself. And by fighting for myself, I’m gonna start talking. I’m just gonna say it,” Joshua continued. “I got so much to talk about, this is the first video. More videos to come. This ain’t me spilling any tea, spilling tea is bull s–t. This is me just saying, ‘I’m tired of catering to people who don’t cater to me.’ And I’m gonna start speaking my truth.”

Colleen Joshua
Instagram

“Now it’s my turn and my time to come out with it. I’m being nice to me [now] because for so long I was nice to people who were a–holes to me,” he concluded. “And I’m tired of sitting in a room shutting the door not wanting to turn on a camera or live my life because I’m afraid of what people on the internet are gonna say about me because of a relationship. You have no idea what really happened. You have no clue. But guess what? I’m about to tell you. I’m gonna make more videos and I’m gonna tell you about this stuff. I want to survive and be strong for myself. More videos to come. We’re gonna get into it. We’re gonna get into all of it. I’m about to tell the truth about everything.”

Wow, we cannot wait to see what he says next.

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