“Nobody’s had a perfect 2020. Far from it. What we all need to realize, though, is that it’s OK for things not to be OK sometimes. Personally, I’ve experienced extreme highs and lows. I met my fiancé [Max Ehrich] in March and I fell in love with him. We’ve had this whirlwind romance and have been able to spend this time together. But I’ve also lost several people this year, which was tough,” she said during a powerful new essay for Vogue. “There was the anniversary of my father’s death, which is a couple of days after Father’s Day — a really hard time of year for me. But this year, something happened. I wrote a gratitude letter to him, thanking him for all the things that I got from him. It was this beautiful release of all the resentments I had towards him. I realized, for the first time, that I wasn’t going to have daddy issues for the rest of my life. In short, 2020 has been a year of growth.”
As fans know, the singer previously revealed that her dad was abusive, after he passed away in 2013 from cancer.
“I was very conflicted when he passed, because he was abusive,” the 28-year-old admitted in a past YouTube video. “He was mean, but he wanted to be a good person. And he wanted to have his family, and when my mom married my stepdad, he still had this huge heart where he said, ‘I’m so glad that [he’s] taking care of you and doing the job that I wish I could do.’”
“Moving forward, I want to put my energy into my music and my advocacy work. I want to continue to strive to be a better person. I want to inspire people in many different ways to do the same,” the brunette beauty continued in the new Vogue interview. “Above all, I want to leave the world a better place than when I got here. There are a lot of things that need to be done before that, but together I believe we can make it happen. You just need to be a little bit hopeful.”
The “Sober” songstress went on to detail how meeting Max changed her mindset.
“My fiancé is so positive all the time, I just started picking up on the things he does,” she explained. “I started meditating and doing yoga. I started journaling, painting, taking pictures and being creative, and learning to appreciate nature, after realizing I’d been taking it for granted all this time.”
“As a society, we’ve become used to a particular mentality, one where we feel we must get ahead and be the best all of the time. It’s exhausting. Then, all of a sudden, a pandemic hits and everyone is forced to stop and think. I started to ask myself questions: ‘What’s important to me?’ ‘What’s going to get me through this?’ ‘How can I remain positive?’ I knew that I wanted to learn something from this time that could actually better my life, my mental health and my emotional wellbeing in the long term,” she concluded. “As I reflect on all that has happened over 2020, it feels like we’re experiencing a moment of change. There has never been a more crucial time to spread awareness about issues that matter. And it’s not just mental health. Having so much downtime during quarantine has given me the space to realize there’s so much more I could be doing to help other people.”
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