Over the past few months, Tana Mongeau has been candid with fans about her mental health struggles. Most recently, the YouTube star admitted that she “hated” filming the second season of her MTV reality show No Filter because she was in the “darkest” place of her life. Tana told viewers during an hour-long video that, at the time, her depression had gotten so bad that she “didn’t care” if she lived.

Now, the 21-year-old has decided to document her road to recovery “not only for the amount of people” that she wants to help, but also so she can look back on her own journey. During her most recent vlog, the blonde beauty explained to fans that for a month, she moved out of her house and into an apartment so she could be “better, happy and thriving.”

Tana went on to explain that she started to associate her house with a “work zone” instead of as a “cool down” space, so she wanted to take a break from the chaos. In a heartfelt portion of the video, the influencer also got real about how the move seriously strengthened her friendship with her BFF Ashly Schwan, who she hadn’t hung out with in a long time.

“She’s the reason I moved out here and the only person who stuck by my side,” she said, getting emotional. “She’s just like the sister I never really got.”

Before concluding the vlog, Tana told viewers that she felt like she had “lost control” of her own life and felt like she was finally getting it back after being super “exhausted and depressed” for such a long time. She also added a series of clips at the end going through all the positive changes that she made in her life, like getting healthy and losing weight, changing her hair, rekindling her friendships and making work fun again.

If you or someone you know is in emotional distress or considering suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

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