In a video called “The Truth About Everything
,” which she uploaded on December 29, 2019, Tana also got real about their relationship. Although the blonde beauty claimed that they were still together at the time, she revealed that things had changed drastically between them after they got married.
“The second Jake and I got married, I just feel like everything changed. I don’t blame Jake, I think that the second he said, ‘I do’ to me, he kind of mentally was just like, ‘Now what?’ I think he mentally was over it. I don’t blame him but it left me clinging, trying to make this work,” she explained.
The YouTuber added that when her dad suffered from a stroke after the wedding, Jake wasn’t there for her in the way she needed him to be.
“My dad almost died that night of the wedding, he had a stroke … so I didn’t go on the honey moon. And this giant part of me wanted so badly for Jake to stay and take care of me,” she said. “And when he didn’t, I was so heartbroken … I wanted to fix this person who was so emotionally f**ked up, but then when it came time for them to help me and fix me, they couldn’t and that was my fault, for falling for that.”
After that, Tana admitted that things were never the same between them.
“We spent all this time trying so hard to get back to where we were before the wedding, but it’s like, what’s broken can’t un-break. You can’t undo what’s already done. Once that feeling was different, I feel like he kind of began to put one foot out the door,” she continued. “It felt in a lot of ways that I was latching on to someone who’s like, ‘B***h get off me,’ you know? Or someone who doesn’t want that, or doesn’t crave the kind of love that I was looking for.”
But she wanted the world to know that despite everything, she still loved Jake a lot.
“Right now, I am still with Jake,” she added. “I always want to be close with Jake. I shared one of the craziest times of my life with this person, and we were a team and he made me feel some of the best feelings I’ve ever felt, but also some of the worst. I feel like I should have been far more transparent with him and myself and the world, but I just couldn’t. I wanted to see everything with rose colored glasses, and now I’m just at this point that feels like my absolute lowest. I feel exhausted at all times.”
“I will always love him, I will always see myself having a bond with him that I don’t have with anyone else, but does that mean that this is all healthy for me or him? Maybe not … I hope and would like to think that mine and Jake’s friendship can supercede all,” she concluded. “I feel like the public’s perception of me and my relationship has to change, and I feel like I can’t keep being something I’m not because it’s killing me. Jake and I both have these psycho busy lives, and trying to fit each other in, it just gets harder and harder. So many things keep hurting me further. I don’t ever want to be on bad terms, I don’t ever want to hate each other, I don’t ever want to not be friends. And there will always be a part of me that will open my heart to him, that will want it to work, that doesn’t want to see him with anyone else. I wish every day that him and I could get back to the way that we were because it was magic. But I don’t know if everything that’s happened will ever allow that. All I know, if I do know one thing, is that I just can’t look like someone’s b***h for any longer, and that I just want Jake to be happy.”
The couple also spoke out about rumors that they had split in a video called “Divorce?” on September 27, 2019.
“We’ve been living our lives off of social media like normal humans. We had to sacrifice the clout for our own emotions,” Jake explained, with Tana adding, “We’ve been trying to live a married life, it’s different.”
“Everything was so lighthearted and fun. There was so much momentum up until the wedding, and then you get married and you’re like, ‘Now what?'” the blonde beauty continued. “We both still have our lives and we’re doing our best to mesh but it’s hard, it’s difficult. It’s hard too because you have the whole world looking at what you’re doing, commenting on everything you’re doing … At the end of the day we both had to step back and say, ‘We’re real people with real lives, and this is a real-life decision that we made. So let’s handle it.’ I think it was the first time where we had to do things off-camera. And everyone was like, ‘They’re not together, we want a reunion.’ But it was like, f–k we just need to step back and handle s–t off camera and talk and decide what we want to do. ”
“There’s never going to be any animosity, at the end of the day this is all started because we both are similar, we’re both the same person, we both get along, we both vibe, we both mesh,” she concluded. “No matter what happens, I’m always going to f–king have the same love for [Jake] that I do.”